Game On

No I’m not talking about sports, foosball, Xbox360, or anything worth a shit. I’m talking about relationship games and the bitches that  play them. In a day where technology rules and social networking is hotter than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire, nothing seems to have changed when it comes to games. Chicks just use new media to play the same old games… just in a new way. Some of my favorites are:

When chicks act like they aren’t interested when they really are : Really? What the fuck will this do for you? Are you trying to get a guy to chase your ass for your own amusement? Your time is better spent with your face in his crotch, but that may actually make him feel good. Face it, you’re a chicken shit. Grow some balls and be honest… bitch!

Making him jealous to get what you want : One of my favorites! She attempts to make you jealous to get you to either chase her, buy her shit, ditch your friends for her stanky ass, etc. This bitch is as stable as my grandmother’s hip replacement and should be in an institution, a whore house, or watching reruns of H.R. Puffnstuf.  If this game ever gets played on you, it’s time to throw her off a bridge… mafia style.

Acting interested in you for her own gain : Another one of my favorites. A bitch like this acts interested in you as part of a jealousy game (above), to make her insecure ass feel good feel good about her new trim, because she can’t stand to be alone, to find out info about you or a 3^rd party, etc. In short, this person is completely full of shit and not worth the cost of a single .22 caliber bullet. If you can get some whale sperm, wiping it on her toothbrush would not be out of line here. Some symtoms for this one can be classified as Kat Spray. Also located here in case it’s still marked private.

When she ignores your communication attempts: Not returning phone calls, etc. is just rude at any level. Try to survive at work, with your family, friends, or anyone by doing this. For some reason, these people think it’s completely okay to blow someone off and show a complete lack of interpersonal skills. The best thing about this one is that given time, it always cut both ways. I always look forward to ignoring these bitches later on.

Since there are so many games that chicks play, the best way to spot them is by simply paying attention and listening to your gut. Words and actions never match with these cunt bags. Have some self respect and find someone who is honest and treats you fairly. It may be very difficult at times, but you won’t hate yourself (or these sleazy whores) later for it.

Kat Spray – Mirror

Defined: When a chick (or dude) goes completely overboard to make sure everyone knows that they are associated with the person being sprayed in some form or another. Usually done with the intention of controlling who communicates with a boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, or sometimes just a chat buddy on MySpace/Facebook/Twitter. This behavior is considered insecure, childish, and over time has proven to cause anal leakage.

Lets meet the contestants shall we…

The Sprayer - The kniving beeoch with the can of Kat Spray.

The Sprayee - The poor bastard who spends their time wondering WTF!

Since jealousy is such a strong emotion, these attempts are usually very blatant and noticeable. Some of the more common symptoms are:

• The Sprayer posts pics of them and their Sprayee and all of their responsibilities together. This can include kids, pets, vehicles, character drawings, paintings, rubber dog shit, etc. Some of the more serious Sprayers even post sex pics
• The Sprayer always overstates (loudly) what a great time they have with their Sprayee
• Sprayer crashes conversations that are clearly between the Sprayee and a 3rd party.
• In social circles, always insisting that you get in touch with the Sprayee through the Sprayer.
• Deliberately befriending the Sprayee’s opposite sex friends only to slander them enough so the Sprayee will stop communicating with them. If this doesn’t work, the Sprayer may even fabricate stories as they struggle to control the Sprayee.

Some people are very crafty and use much more subtle tactics. Here are some of the more common ones that I’ve encountered

• Sprayer responds to all community conversations with the Sprayee in a positive and flattering manner.
• Sprayer discusses private conversations they have with the Sprayee just to let everyone know they talk in private. This is done to make people think they are a couple, when they really aren’t
• Sprayer spreads rumors about anyone that may be interested in the Sprayee. These rumors are known as “Second Hand Spray”
• Sprayer gives all of their own friends misleading information about the Sprayee and/or 3rd party in an effort to get them to help out in the tagging activities

If you are the victim of Kat Spray it is best to remain calm and head for the exit in a slow and controlled manner. There is no known cure for Kat Spray, but after ditching your Sprayer, the smell generally wears off in 3-6 months.

If you are a Sprayer, this article was written for you. Now everyone will be on to your tactics and will simply point and laugh.

Happy VD

I number of years ago I figured out the perfect thing to do on Valentine’s Day. It took a little trial and error over the years, but after a rather odd VDay, I finally figured it out. It happened when I was inviting this girl on a ski trip and the only dates that the hotel had available was February 13-14. When I asked her, she said ”sure, we’re friends”. I took this comment at face value and did what any normal guy would do… I invited two more chicks.

Things seemed a little odd from the start and I remember wondering if the first chick I invited was mad at me for something. After hearing comments during dinner on the 14th like, “I know where you can put that spoon”, “Don’t follow too close behind me”, and “do you really want to know what I think?”, I was pretty sure something was amiss. As I was standing outside the restaurant wondering WTF, I saw another guy doing the same thing. That’s when the perfect thing to do hit me…

It occurred to me that no matter what the hell you do, there is no way to ever know what a chick expects on Valentine’s Day. This is because she expects to have a better day than all of her girlfriends, and if she doesn’t, you are a dead man.  Since you will never know this, it’s a total crap shoot. Now, what I do is this… I pick out a really nice part of town that will have a lot of reservations on this utterly useless day, camp out at the bar, have a few drinks, and order some appetizers. I then just kick back and count how many chicks leave in a huff (all dressed up with a rose in hand) with a very confused dude scurrying behind her like it’s the Special Olympics.  My record to date is 6 with two shouting matches in the parking lot. Reality TV just doesn’t compare to this.

It’s best to start your evening around 9:00 pm. This will give the psycho chicks plenty of time to compare their evening with their friends (the ones they won’t keep anyway). The bitchiness generally dies off around 11:00 pm and is a lot of fun to see the stunned look on the guys face and the disappointment when he realizes that he just dropped a couple of c-notes and isn’t gonna get blown.

Cheers and Happy Valentine’s Day!

From the iPhone to the Nexus One…

Background – I’ve had an iPhone since they were first released and it has been the one thing that I take everywhere with me. From stock market apps to social networking to music, I could never seem to keep the battery charged enough to last a full day because of how much I used it. The iPhone itself is a great device, but I’ve always had terrible service from AT&T. After upgrading to a 3G as soon as I could, I realized that the service wasn’t going to get any better. I actually couldn’t talk on the phone at all at home or at the 3 places I frequented the most. After giving the Android platform a bit of time to mature, I finally decided to purchase one that was as close to the iPhone as possible… the Nexus One. There were a few hiccups along the way, but after 3 days, I believe that the Android platform on the Nexus One is a strong replacement, and in a lot of areas, a big improvement. Here is a brief summary on the process I went through. Special thanks to @Farwyde for tipping me off to Media Monkey. That was huge!

Ordering – Pretty easy and straight forward. Normal Google text based web pages and doesn’t have Apple’s sexy flair. Offers engraving, but that would add 3 days to the process. *update* per @Daswolven his came the next day with engraving. I selected T-Mobile instead of an unlocked phone because T-Mobile has great service in my local area. My unlimited plan is $20 cheaper a month to my limited AT&T plan. Happy already.

 Delivery – FedEx overnight. Same for both companies. Apple actually sent me some cool tips on how to get ready for the iPhone before it arrived. Google should do the same. Big plus for Apple here.
 

Unboxing – Packaging for Apple has always been second to none and it doesn’t change here. Google packaged this phone very well, but Apple is really hard to beat in this category. Plus for Apple.
 

Hardware – Everything is black so I think it looks cooler. The headphones have a little control point on them for pausing, fast forward and rewind… a nice plus. The ear buds sound a little better as well. Your first step is to install the battery. Seeing this gave me an instant erection. Apple doesn’t give you that option. Micro-SD card is also swappable and expandable to 32 GB. No need to buy a new phone later. Two big pluses for the Nexus.

Activation – This is where there is room for improvement. iTunes takes care of everything for you, so you don’t have to deal with AT&T. I transferred my number over and it took 24 hours for me to have active voice. 48 hours for the data plan to activate. If this was on the quick reference card, it wouldn’t have been a big deal at all. I had to search for this information. Positive point… T-Mobile customer service is outstanding. I thought the chick was gonna offer me a blow job. Tip… shut the phone down and take the battery out for five seconds then assemble and turn it back on. This is what got my data plan to activate finally. Plus for Apple.

Learning the phone – There is no question after a few minutes of using this phone that the speed, camera, and display are huge improvements over the iPhone. The media market (app store) is pretty straight forward and there are a lot of applications. Twitter apps aren’t as far along, but are very close. I expect this to change with time. Another huge difference is that Android applications actually run in the background, so you need to make sure to close them properly if you don’t want them using the network/GPS and draining your battery. Once you get used to it it’s another very nice improvement over the iPhone. Another nice feature is the security pattern rather than entering 4 numbers to unlock. Cool idea. Live Wallpapers give it a nice wow! Big plus for the Nexus.

Look and feel – The Nexus is a very nice looking platform and resembles the iPhone at a glance. If you are transitioning from an iPhone, you will be able to get around right away. When entering text and selection menu options, it’s not as smooth as the iPhone… it takes a little getting used to.
Internet and music – Google has paired this phone with their services very well. The speed is noticeable right from the start. If you use Google mail/calendar/contacts/maps/voice/talk you will be very happy. They are fast and very well integrated. Internet browsing is simple and straight forward. All of these areas are a plus for the Nexus for sure. Music is a different story. After plugging in your phone to your computer, you have to pull down the notifications bar, select your USB connection and click mount *snicker*. This is shown online, but isn’t included anywhere in their documentation that shipped with the phone. Once your phone has been mounted as a removable HD, there is nothing that Google has provided that allows you to sync your music. You can sync with Windows Media player, but you won’t get your playlists. After searching the net and talking with people, I found Media Monkey (thanks Far!) which is a nice replacement for iTunes/Media player, it’s free, and it sync’s with the iPhone and the Android Platform. Their website includes instructions on how to migrate your playlists to MM. Piece of cake after that. A plus for the Nexus because I use all the Google apps. Also, there is need to sync with the computer unless you are updating your music.

Applications – There are a lot of applications available for each platform. I’ve been able to find the same applications, or similar, to all of my most important ones for free. Here is my list:

eWallet – Swapped this one with keepass. You have to sync the file manually and it may take some time if you have a lot of entries, but it’s a very nice replacement for free. Currently only V1.3 DBs works with the droid release.
Tweetie/Twitbird – Swapped them with Twidroid… a very nice app. It doesn’t have a reply all feature, but a very nice twitter app overall.
Trapster – Available on both platforms. Much nicer on the droid because of its speed.
Alarm Clocks – Built in. Same functionality
Photos – Gallery, same functionality.
Amazon – Same application available
Netflix – Same application available
Shazam – Same application available
eBay – Swapped with Pkt Auctions eBay. Similar functionality
Tipcalc – Many available with the same functionality
Sports News CBS – Swapped with SportsTap. Similar functionality
Built in Stock App – Swapped with Google finance application.
Misc – Air Hockey, Solitaire, Black Jack, Texas Hold’em, Bubble Burst, Tick Tack Toe, Chess, News and Weather, Skype, EZ Level, IMDB– All swapped with free counterparts. Pac Man is available, but pay only. No free version. Both sides have equal weight on this one.
Unavailable – Currently, I haven’t found a replacement app for eTrade Mobile Pro or Emoji Icons. Plus for Apple on this one.